The Great Snake War of Aught 5

Filed under: — joe @ 3:05 pm

Let me start by saying that I’m terrified by snakes, I mean, seriously terrified. I think it was an incident when I was a kid and now I can’t stand seeing them (even on TV!). So Rhonda and I were doing yard work the other day and she came across a snake (probably a garter snake). Did I try to move the poor little guy without hurting it? Nope, I tried to weed whack it! The sucker got around my fence though so I took a shovel to it. The end… or so I thought.

Apparently before his death, he called for backup because just the other day I ran into 4 more. I killed two (with a lawn mower, I don’t mess around!) and two got away. I was so freaked out that I could barely walk through the yard without thinking I was going to get swarmed. That night I couldn’t sleep because I kept dreaming of snakes attacking me. At this point, rereading this post… I think I may need professional help! That costs money though so I will continue to wage a one man war against the snakes of Delaware to ease my mental suffering.

So what can be learned by all of this?

One- I have no frogs around my house due to the snakes.
Two- snakes like to stick around after a frog buffet.
Three- I am a complete wuss when it comes to snakes and may need professional help.
Four- lawnmowers cut real good (just keep your toes out or you could end up like Andrew Osenga!)
And Five- when scared I scream like a little school girl.

Semper Fi!!!!!!
Buffy the Snake Hunter

No Responses to “The Great Snake War of Aught 5”

  1. Geof F. Morris Says:

    Joseph: I share your mortal fear of snakes.

  2. joe Says:

    Maybe we could start a support group! At the very least, we could form a snake killing elite special ops team. You can call me “Mongoose”!

  3. Geof F. Morris Says:


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"Biblical orthodoxy without compassion is surely the ugliest thing in the world."
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